Tuesday, January 01, 2008

New Year, New Resolutions, New ????

I’m not in love with the habit of making New Year’s resolutions. From time to time I do find myself making them but if I do, it is with the knowledge that I will not keep them. Ultimately, it seems they will only prove that I have been unsuccessful. Most of the resolutions I have ever made have been the tried and true ones that almost all Americans make regarding increasing exercise, lowering calorie intake, saving money, and in general not being a slob, in all contexts of the word. Every once in a while there is a resolution that is much more feasible and absolutely necessary for survival, on some level, that actually makes it important to acknowledge that the endeavor will be undertaken. For me, there are a few of these this year, which is why I decided that I would share them with you, my lovely reader.

My first real resolution is: FINISH MY DISSERTATION. This is not simply just a grand desire, but at this point it is imperative. I do not have until the end of the year to accomplish this feat, as the deadline is quickly approaching with May 15th, or so being my target. This may shift here and there, but overall, this is the goal that I have set and that I must achieve in order for the second resolution to have any hope of fulfillment.

Resolution Dos: GET A REAL JOB. Some of you may be confused by this resolution because as you may know I am currently contracted as a Visiting Assistant Professor at Capital University. This is all well and true, but said contract ends in August and after that I do not have anything that is full-time with benefits lined up. I have applied for a number of positions and am hoping that something will come through when it comes to this, so please keep fingers & toes crossed as well as an occasional prayer in my name, if possible.

Resolution 3.0: WRITE A MONTHLY BLOG. This may seem incredibly unimportant with regard to the other two, but I think there is something to this one as well. One of the things I really enjoy doing, but don’t do enough of is write. I am a writer overall, and I do keep my journal (though not as regularly as I could) and I think that keeping a blog is not only good for me, as I’m able to express to an audience other than myself what my thoughts are, but helpful to those with whom contact is sparse and/or sporadic. I figure that if I can pay my rent by the 1st, then I can certainly write a short blog that day as well. That’s not to say if inspiration strikes, or a particularly interesting issue comes up that I need to wait until the 1st to document it, but just to say that regardless of motivation the 1st will find a new blog either on blogspot or myspace or Facebook, or wherever else you, lovely reader, wish to access it.

Onze, dos, tres, catorce. (Yes, I know Bono and U2 got it wrong in the opening lines of the song “Vertigo,” but I still like it). WRITE POETRY. Or at least attempt to write poems like I used to do—without a moment’s hesitation, slightness of breath or even without looking at the paper or the screen. I need to just let the words flow straight from my head to my fingers and either let the pen/pencil or the keyboard take care of the visual translation onto whichever medium makes the most sense at the time. Sometimes I find that even in the bare space of my office at Capital the words pour out so easily. Even after a day of teaching students who don’t know the difference between your and you’re, the words really are able to enter my head and the screen with little thought or even prevarication. Yes, we must all lie to be poets sometimes. It’s the only way our craft makes any sense. The truth is too dangerous to reveal most days and even if we do, who will believe us? I just need to remember that I can think like this and write like this. This is the only way I can communicate to some to whom I can’t always bear my truth.

Overall, 2007 has been a very interesting year for me, with a number of highs and lows and as many of you (perhaps too many) know certainly a year of “ridiculousness.” My year had many events such as: interesting trips to Stony Brook and New York City, separate alliterative and oddly-rhyming groundhogs similarly making my decisions, the dissolution of an ad-hoc affiliation, myriad explorations of Columbus with childhood friends, surprisingly fun and eventful weddings, goodbyes to new friends, a lovely vacation with the whole family to India, a waxing and waning dra-mojo (drama + mojo), seemingly innumerable student papers, moments of great weakness coupled with moments of great strength, familial bonding, visitors to my humble apartment, and too many situations in which the only appropriate response could be “holy crap” or something worse. I look forward to 2008 holding some of the same for me, along with the accomplishment of my resolutions.